Green: Not Brown

Tuesday's special election presents a challenge to Greens. At difficult times like these I turn for guidance to the words of Woody Allen, who wrote:

"One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly."

When I go into the booth at the North Amherst fire station after work on Tuesday, I intend to vote for despair and utter hopelessness. In other words, I'm voting for the Democrat.

In reality I didn't have to think too long and hard about it. Scott Brown is a global warming denialist who opposes marriage equality. To quote another great humorist, VP Joe Biden, let me say that again (after a dramatic pause, looking straight into the camera): Scott Brown is a global warming denialist who opposes marriage equality.

Slam dunk, as we Americans say.

I shall be casting my vote simply to keep Scott Brown out of the U.S. Senate. I would vote for Scott Brown's Democratic opponent even if it was Stewie Griffin, Family Guy's diminutive evil genius bent on world domination. I would slap Vote Stewie bumper stickers all over my car, max out on contributions to the Stewie for Senate Committee, and make GOTV calls for Stewie until hoarse. Part of me wants to move to Brown's Norfolk, Bristol and Middlesex state senate district so I can vote against him there too. In real life, I will even go so far as to vote for Martha Coakley.

In an IRV election with a Green in the race would Martha Coakley get my first preference? No. But this isn't an IRV election with a Green in the race. It's a choice between a Democrat, a libertarian sailing under the Independent flag, and (in case you weren't paying attention) a global warming denialist who opposes marriage equality.

On Tuesday, please join me in voting for despair and utter hopelessness. Early and often.